finchwoodacademy | (no subject)

Who: Neal Valentine & Venus Rosales
When: Shortly after this.
Where: Road back to Finchwood.
What: Dealing with some heavy revelations.
Warnings: WIP but uh, probably general sadness?

There was no discussion about whether to take the bus after they left the Occult shop. Or discussion of anything - they'd just started walking. Venus is grateful for the warm snap, even if it's probably Shadowy in origin. With her leather jacket, she's appropriately dressed for the weather for once. But even though she's not cold, she still finds herself shivering as she follows Neal out of town and back up the road to Finchwood.

They're not two people who are suited to silence, but Venus is quiet for a time. She feels bad for Mrs. Ruskin. She's always seemed lonely to Venus, but exceptionally kind. Mrs. Ruskin's concern for her has always seemed genuine, and even though she didn't mean to worry her, Venus finds that comforting. Maybe her mother would be concerned for her if she knew what she was really doing on her days off from class, but even if Venus was allowed to talk about it, her mother never asks.

And just like watching the Sayer sisters at the party had made her wonder if Gigi would bother to launch a search for her if she got drunk at a party, Mrs. Ruskin's long-lived sadness for Joss Coburn makes her wonder what her mother would think if she up and left town without an explanation. Somehow, Venus doesn't think she'd be torn up about it twenty years later. She feels a pang of regret, but tells herself it's for convincing Mrs. Ruskin that she saw Joss's ghost... even if that's maybe not too far from the truth.

While lost in her own thoughts, she's fallen out of step with Neal, and hurries forward a few paces to catch up with him.

"Hey," she says, now that they're far enough from town that they can speak without fear of being overheard. She knows that's not the only reason for the silence, but it's a good enough excuse to break it. "Are you alright?"

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Neal hasn't said much since the revelation. He'd thanked Mrs. Ruskin, and offered his condolences, but Neal has rarely felt so robotic. In fact, he can remember the last time he felt like this. He'd been young, and it had been hard to comprehend the finality of what had just happened. People asked if he was alright, even though they must have known he wasn't. Venus isn't guilty of that. She's not asking him to reassure her.

Whatever precautions he'd made amounted to nothing. Paper walls. The memories came back hard and merciless. He missed her, even though she's barely a person anymore. Just an idea, a concept, an ideal. It's hard to recall any of her flaws, anything unique about her, and maybe he likes it that way.

Few things are hard for Neal. He's clever, quick and charming. He gets what he wants. He's fun. People like him. It's so easy to imagine turning to Venus to say what he wants to say. I'm fine, but this is so heavy. I really wanted to save him. How are you? What do you need? But when he opens his mouth he wants to vomit. If it were anyone but Venus, maybe he could have figured something out. Her deep brown eyes are too much for him.

"I," he starts, but gives up. When he inhales, it sounds like he has a cold. "I hoped Liam was wrong."

Venus always carries herself in a confident way, even when she's not feeling it, but she crumples a little when she hears the dampness of Neal's voice. She knows him well enough to recognize that she's never heard him sound like this before. But she gets sad and weepy and heartbroken at the smallest inconveniences, and it doesn't alarm her to see such a mild shade of sadness in others. Not even when it's Neal.

"I'm sorry," she says, looking down at her feet as they walk. She'd been hoping that there was someone ready for saving at the other end of this mystery, too. "Maybe..."

But she trails off. Maybe what? Maybe he's alive? It doesn't seem possible. For all their exploration, they don't really understand anything about how the Shadow World works. Usually she'd try to keep on the bright side, but she doesn't want to push false hope on Neal when he's hurting.

Edited (someday this tag will make linear sense) 2019-01-09 12:45 (UTC)

Neal's quiet for a second, trying to think of a good response. A good maybe. The bright side of this, the silver lining. At least he's not waiting for them, suffering. Or is he? Is that where all the missing people are now? It's taking him much longer than normal to put a positive spin on it, so Neal gives up.

He links his arm through Venus' and pulls her a little closer, so they're walking in tight step. Finally, he laughs, but he still can't make himself sound happy. "This sucks."

Edited 2019-01-09 16:45 (UTC)

Venus nods. That's that, she supposes. Mystery solved: everything sucks.

But even though what Mrs. Ruskin told them was awful in its own right, there's still something about it that's just sitting wrong with Venus. She's had a feeling resting in her stomach like a heavy stone since Neal found the key. And while she's not stupid enough to believe that she's actually psychic, she can't shake the feeling that something really bad is going to happen the next time she has to go into the Shadow World.

"Hey," she says, drawing in a breath so sharp she clearly means to continue immediately. It takes her a second to get going, though. "You know how she said he changed before he disappeared? That he was... burdened?" Another pause, again with her mouth half-open like she means to continue. "She said the same thing about me."

Neal's grip on Venus tightens. He tries not to, but he imagines Venus as Joss, and then her as Venus. While listening to Venus finish her thought, he realizes he's grinding his teeth. Has Venus been burdened? Did Neal miss it? Has he been too distracted again? Maybe. Probably.

"No. No, no. I would never let anything happen to you," he promises, low and serious. "I... has something been going on? Are you alright?"

"No, I'm fine," she says, shaking her head and ignoring that terrible feeling in her gut. There's a whine to her voice she can't contain, though. She's never had Neal's composure. But she wasn't the only person Mrs. Ruskin saw a burden in, either. Maybe she's not seeing an ill omen on them. Maybe...

"But what if... what if he was like us?"

Edited 2019-01-10 03:06 (UTC)

Neal pauses. It's long and heavy, but soon their footsteps are in time. The click of Venus' stylish shoes with the squeak of Neal's sneakers fills the air.

"A Persona user?" he whispers. It's such a secret. His mom and Clarice have no idea what's going on with him, or Flint, or Mason. Would she have been like him? He hopes so. It's stupid and pointless, but it's a nice fantasy. He can't imagine her not being just like him. In the timeline where she pulled through, they'd be in this together.

"Gladstone would have told us if one of his friends—" Neal stops, choked, but pushes through it. "Disappeared."

"If they didn't then where are they?" she asks, her voice rising both in pitch and volume a little before she gets a hold on herself. Being angry is so much easier than being upset or scared, though. "If this happened again in twenty years, can you imagine just deciding not to come back? Do you think anyone here would?"

"No," Neal says, but then forces himself to be calmer. He's the level-headed one. No one will die. No one here can die. He wouldn't allow it, because then he'd have to leave, embrace nothingness.

But maybe it'd be easier. It's not so bad, actually, imagining a world where he doesn't remember what he did to Flint, or how he feels about Atticus, or that Joss has been dead for nearly 30 years. There are a lot of reasons to refuse this life. "They... they probably have families. Kids. People who need them just as much."

"Mr. Gladstone and Ms. Voss never even talk about them," Venus says to the ground, barely acknowledging Neal now as she walks forward at a steady pace. She doesn't know anything about any of the other people they worked with, only that they'd existed. Even the information Liam and Zinnia had gotten out of Ms. Voss for the interview had been vague.

And Joss, who had been the right age at the right time, had just disappeared. With his friends. Right when the Rifts had closed last. Plenty of people probably left town after all that, but Mrs. Ruskin had thought something was wrong all these years, and she'd been right. Venus feels sick to her stomach and shakes her head no as she walks. "I don't like this, Neal."

Edited (repetitive) 2019-01-10 04:15 (UTC)

Neal stops, and pulls Venus into a hug, quick, stronger than he looks. He hides his face in her shoulder, and it's as much for him as it is for her. "Nothing will happen to you," he says, like a promise. "Nothing. And if I'm wrong and it does, I'll fix it."

Venus lets herself be pulled against him and heaves a short heavy sigh into his shoulder as they settle together. Her eyes are a little damp, but she isn't crying. Not yet, anyway. She still feels a suffocating sense of dread hanging over her, but she believes enough in Neal that his words comfort her a little.

"What are we going to do?" she asks, head still resting on his shoulder.