"Well." And then he's silent for a few more seconds. There is a lot he wants to say, but it's like trying to pour a river out of a wine bottle. "I know it's not as simple for you as I want to make it. It's easy for me to not think about things, or not feel really strongly about them."

Neal uses the spatula to peek under the bread, checking the color. Anything to avoid eye contact. "Usually. I mean, I tried to opt out of these feelings and it didn't work."